Happy 2009?

And so...Happy New Year. I meant to post before midnight, but didn't make it. I hope that doesn't mean I am going to be late all year... I haven't posted in a while. I have been 'in a funk' so to speak. I haven't felt like much of anything. Work sucks but then again, just having a job at this point is a good thing. I fear the factory is going to shut down and if it does, I have no idea what I, we, will do. A few weeks ago they fired the plant manager out of the blue. Bad sign. But still I am hopefull.
Christmas was pretty good, although words can not express how glad I am that it is over. We, the g/f and I , decided not to exchange gifts this year. And because of that, I got the best gift I have ever received. It was a hand written note of some of the many reasons why she loves me. It really was the best thing ever. And reminded me once again of how lucky I am to have her. I will cherish it forever.
I am hopefull that the new year will be a good one. Change is coming. I can feel it. Whatever that may mean, I hope it is for the best. My resolution this year is not to let so many things get to me. It will be hard but at least I have a goal...
A couple of days ago I went and had my youngest daughter put on the pill. She is young, I know but last month she was 3 days late and as soon as she told me I freaked out. I don't want to be a grandma. So while people may judge me for having a 15 year old on birth control, I would rather that then have her get pregnant.

It has been a while. . . .

It has really been a long time since I have been here. There really isn't much going on in my life I guess. I went back to work finally. I guess it has been two weeks now. It is pretty hard getting used to it after being off for so long. Things aren't looking very good for the sport boat business so soon I may be looking for another job. I really hope with the new President comes new hope for the economy. I really am hopeful things will pick up.

I went to a college fair with my oldest daughter a few weeks ago. Now, I have another stress. Where the hell am I going to find the money for her to go to school? I feel like shit for not saving money her whole life, but I just never had it to save. I hope someday she will understand.

*insert title here*

It's official, the Cubs are out of the playoffs. I think they let the Dodgers win. I really do. They are a much better team than what was seen in the past 3 games.

My half sister had another baby. Another boy. Not that I will ever see him. It's sad really, I wish we were closer.

I was going through a box of my moms things that I had put up. And I noticed that in the box of her precious things there was my brothers birth certificate, his death certificate, his autopsy report, pictures of him, poems he had written, some things from my grandma, and her husband,some high school reunion stuff, and not one mention of me. No pictures or anything. It kinda made me sad a little to think that I meant so little to her. I had always suspected it, but I thought she was just like me in the sense that I hide my feelings very well, but no, this was proof positive. Oh well. I do know that she did save all the letters I wrote her while I was in the Marines, but they weren't with the special stuff. I guess thats something though.

the Cubs

My Cubbies are playing like the Bad News Bears. But us Cubs fans have a saying, "There's always next year" I say it every year...

former inlaws suck

My former in laws still have the power to piss me off. My kids are great. Maybe I am biased but still..anyway they drop in from redneck land and have the nerve to tell my kids that they are disapointed in them. Why? Because their dads house wasn't spotless. My kids are there in that house 3 days a week sometimes maybe 4 but usually just 3. While they are there they do all the dishes, even the ones he dirties while they are with me, all the laundry, again he saves his for them, my oldest cooks while she is there and does the household budgeting, on account of her father being an idiot, my youngest is on the colorguard and both my girls are now honor roll students. And they have the nerve to be disapointed in them? The need to take a look at their own kid not mine. All he does is work drink and sleep but he should be waited on because he is a man.

What happened to the days when Grandparents swooped in and spoiled the grandkids? I know mine did. I know if I am lucky enough to have grandkids I will be spoiling them certainly not disapointed in them.

The other night we went out to eat and to a movie. The movie was "Nights in Rodanthe" which I hated btw but at dinner something interesting happened. I was enjoying my meatlof and my dad and his wife walked by. I thought I was going to have a panic attack. They didn't notice me at first and I was in no hurry to say hello. Eventually I was spotted and they came over to talk. My dad actually seemed happy to see me. As much as I don't like him, in a weird way, it was good to see him. He looked good. He offereed to buy our dinner because I had just had a birthday and all but I said no, promised to call and walked away. In a weird way it made me happy too. Maybe I am getting more forgiving in my old age.

If love was a plane, nobody'd get on...

Has it really been that long since I posted anything? I can't imagine why. There is still not a lot going on around here. I turned 41 on the 15th but thats been about it. MY birthday sucks. I always get my hopes up like a kid that my dad will call. But he never does. Any other day of the year I don't expect to hear from him but for some reason I always think I will on my birthday. I am a fool. And I know he remembers my birthday, I was born on his dads birthday.He remembers.

As bad as being 40 was, I think being over 40 is worse.

I have this friend who I have known since high school. She is a liar and has lied to me and cheated me out of money and stolen from me so when I called her friend, I used the term lightly. Anyway she has lied about so many things and done so many wrong illegal things no one will help her anymore. She may even be going to jail for welfare fraud. Anyway, she asked for my help and I turned her down. While I know it was the best decision, I still feel bad. But she wanted to live here. I fell for that one other time before and not only did she screw a good friends husband she ran up all my bills and when I called her on it she just moved in with someone else. Leaving me with a phone bill so high I had to take out a loan to pay it off. Did I ever get anything back from her? Hell no. And that was 20 years ago when I was still in the Marines. And yet I didn't kick her out of my life I just tried to accept her and not fall for her crap again. But over the years I have seen her do so much to other people. It's sad. Anyway, I am not falling for it this time but I don't understand why I feel so bad. After I hung up from her, it even mademe cry. But I just can't take a chance on her ruining any aspect of the the life I have now.

We had a date the other night and ended up seein "The Women" and I didn't like it. If it weren't for Jada Pinkett Smith playing gay, I would have called it a waste of money. My g/f of course disagrees since, to her, the sun rises and sets on Meg Ryan...

Holy crap

So we got a letter in the mail the other day informing us that there was a meeting Monday the 25th ay our place of work. It wasn't mandatory, but they said it would be in our best interest to be there because they were going to tell us details of our up coming production year. Well, seeing how we didn't have much to do, we went. Wow. Due to difficulties with the economy, production won't resume until November 10. Yes, November 10. Usually we are off from the end of June until middle or beginning August. It varies of course, but that is what is typical. Anyway, this year we were done I think it was June 6 th or something like that . Financially we should be okay, but I am already bored to death so I have no idea how I am going to handle another 10 weeks off. I could get another job, but I wont find one that pays what mine does, or what unemployment pays for that matter. There is only so much cleaning you can do, and now that the kids are back in school, there is even less of that to be done. We need to rebuild our deck in the back of the house so I guess thats next but that should only take 3 days tops. I need a hobby or something.